When Ship Happens

Progreso Excursions ... and Spanglish

Our Christmas cruise took us back to Progreso for the 5^th time in 10 years.  We don’t intentionally pick a cruise that goes to Progreso, but occasionally when we just really feel the need to get on a boat… that is the cheapest and easiest route for us.  So back we went.

We had a leisurely morning.  I don’t recall what time we got off the boat because I wasn’t paying attention.  There were no issues getting off.  One new thing I noticed was they were offering massages in the port area.  I was on the lookout for a massage… but the port area right there isn’t really relaxing. 

We took the free bus into town.  We got a good bus with an air conditioner…. Score!  The market area has changed some.  I liked the layout they had last time better and there was a nice place for massages.  I never found them this time near the market, so they must have moved up to the port.  The shops were ok.  Typical Progreso, hounding you to purchase anything.  They were still offering the tour we did last time all inclusive for $35.

They have a new marketing ploy I thought you guys might be interested in.  As soon as we got off the bus a lady offered me a pair of Oakley sunglasses.  I said no and kept walking and she said “Only $1”.  So I told Mark and we actually turned around and went back to her.  She was talking to another couple then and the wife told me she was trying to get her husband to buy them for $20.  We said ok and walked away.

Around the corner there was another guy with Oakley sunglasses and he tells Mark “only $1.”  So Mark starts looking at them, picks up the pair he wants, puts them on his head and goes to hand they guy $1 and the guys says “Ok, Amigo… I tell you the real price now… they are $1 off.”  Mark says “Oh really, what is the real price and they guys says $20.”  Ummm.. no thanks.  I can’t tell you how many shops we walked past afterwards that were offering certain items for only $1.  So that’s what they are saying just to get you to stop now.  You have been warned.  Unless you want to pay $20 for some knock off sunglasses and there you go… now you know their starting point :)

We walked out to the main area and inquired on some excursions.  We ran down the list of things we have done in Progreso and asked the girl what else she had.  She shows us a sign for El Corchito. 

They said $20 per person.  Honestly, I think we should have tried for a better deal, but we weren’t in the mood to haggle and just paid for it.  They asked us to wait and said a van would be by to pick us up soon.  We waited 10 minutes or so….

It was a 10 hour wait if you asked Trenton.  Finally our van shows up and as we are climbing in the lady who sold us the tour runs over and says “The driver will drop you off and come back in 1 hour to pick you up… don’t worry.”  Ehhh That’s not reassuring. 

So we climbed in this semi dirty van and the driver tells us he speaks “poquito English.” Mark replies “That’s awesome.  We speak muy poquito Spanish.”  …. And so our day began :)

We attempted some seriously failed conversation on the ride through town until all parties decided it would be better if we just rode in silence.  10-15 minutes or so we arrived at our destination and climbed out of the van.  We essentially seemed to be on the side of a road somewhere.  There were some people attempting to make a bridge maybe… out of wood. 

I am pretty sure it will never be safe to travel on so make a mental note here for future visits.  Trenton and I looked around and saw a river and pretty much decided… we weren’t going to stay.  Mark and his muy poquito Spanish are attempting to converse with the poquito English and finally it was understood that we were supposed to get in a boat.

 

Soon after a couple of car loads of people showed up and I was feeling a little relieved until I realized they were all from Mexico and spoke No English either.  As they started putting us in boats… it became clear that no one really wanted to ride with us!  Ha ha  Eventually about 5 other men climbed in the boat with a mumbled “Buenos Dias”.  Right before the boat left our van driver came running up with 3 little pieces of paper and rattled something off in Spanish.  I figured they were our receipts.  So I said “Gracias” and shoved them in our bag.

The boat entered this little canal place and through the trees we went.  It looked somewhat more promising than the initial dirty river. 

We soon came to a stop and were directed to climb out.  After we climbed out of the boat and started to look around there was a terrible commotion and lots of arm waving and Spanish words coming out faster than any sane person could keep up with.  What I finally caught wind of was “ticket” over and over again… so clearly those pieces of paper were our tickets… for the boat ride? Or the destination? But obviously… they were important so I dug them out handed them over.  That seemed to make everyone happy.  Whew!

As I was regaining my composure from the Spanish mob about the tickets, Mark started laughing and said look behind you.

There were raccoons everywhere!  I was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to feed them… The raccoons in Texas aren’t the friendliest.  We have some around the hospital where I work.  One of them was stalking some nurses as they were going to their car one night so our female security guard shined her light on him and resorted to taking her shoe off and throwing it at the raccoon.  She pegged it straight on the head… square between the eyes.  Knocked it silly for a moment…. Long enough for the nurses to get into their cars.  Then it sat up… stared at the security guard, grabbed her shoe and took off sprinting down the drainage ditch with it!  She still had 7 hours left in her shift and only had 1 shoe!  True story… can’t make this shit up!

So holy crap!  They brought us to the land of raccoons!  Here’s the sign…

My Spanglish interpreted this to say… Hi Friends.  You’re on my land now!  Yikes!

Obviously having no food to feed the critters with we decided to go walk around and hope we weren’t attacked.  There were beautiful streams that led into the cenotes. 

Here’s another sign… My Spanglish interrpretation was… This is a cenote.  It is cold.  No beer … ever. 

Trenton asked if he could swim.  I said… I don’t know.  It says it’s cold and you can’t have a beer.. I am not sure what the other red No’s are, but let’s not take a chance :)

What I decided this one said was: 

In 1990 …something happened here.  Family.  Thank you for visiting. 

We found a little nature trail and decided to venture down it.  What lives in El Corchito?  Raccoons… bees… and termites.

Our trails led us back to an extremely large pond… but it wasn’t clear like the others and one grown man was hanging onto a rope in the middle of it.  I decided… Trenton probably shouldn’t get in that one either.  No clue what was in the water and that dude was probably the 1 crazy family member that always does what they shouldn’t.  You know you have one. 

More critters came up.  Trenton made a new friend. 

He tried to climb in Mark’s backpack because he was certain we really had food and were just being stingy.  On our way back out of the trail more people had obviously arrived and were walking towards us.  Mark says “Hey… this dude coming up looks like he speaks English.”  Followed by me laughing… Not likely!  We pass the guy and Mark says “Hey man, how are you doing today?”  The guys looks at us like we are crazy and mumbles “Buenos dias”.  Ha ha “Told ya so!” 

We decided we had had enough culture and were feeling more and more like the obvious minority so we asked the little guy who drove the boat if we could go back.  Not sure he ever caught on to what we were saying, but as we all started climbing in the boat he started shaking his head and say “Si.”  Thank God he didn’t ask for a ticket or we might have been swimming back!

Not the best driver… we almost hit another boat head on during our trip back… I turned around to make sure he was still back there and yep he was.  Obviously texting and driving is a problem in Mexico too! 

We were so very thankful our driver was still there waiting for us.  I think we made him nervous because I started taking pictures of his van before he left… after Tyrone in Barbados I wanted to make damn sure we could find him.  Mark told him “Tip?  Grande tip?  You stay.”  LOL 

So we made it back safe and sound.  We decided that was enough adventure for the day and hopped a bus back to port… this one didn’t have air conditioning, but did have windows that opened atleast. 

It was a fun little excursion and definitely a blog worthy adventure.  For future visitors… take food for the raccoons.  Yes you can swim… I think.  We saw some kids swimming on the way back that had floaties and stuff.  There were some sketchy huts that maybe you could have changed in??  I would come prepared.  Take a Spanish to English dictionary with you or speak better Spanglish than me. 

Side note:  I did take 2 full years of Spanish in high school, but due to a complete inability to roll my R’s and the fact that my Texas accent is so ridiculous they finally asked me to stop reading out loud in Spanish class :)

Best things to do in Progreso, Mexico

Progreso … Progreso with only 1 S … Progreso is becoming our home away from home :)

The first time we went to Progreso I wasn’t really impressed, but drink enough tequila and corona and really what does it matter?  Unless you are a man trapped in a chicken fighting contest with other men thanks to your lovely wife and her big mouth.  

The next time we returned to Progreso, the drunken tequila drinking on the beach days were still haunting Mark so we set out for some hotter than hell culture at the Mayan ruins during July.  Clearly a better time than the one before… but still not really impressed.

Third time was a charm.  We repeated the culture of the Mayan ruins (5 years later) in December instead of July and we got back on the boat thinking… that really wasn’t so bad. That actually was an enjoyable experience. 

5 months later we found ourselves back in Progreso.  Well, hell.  What are we going to do now?  Looking through the excursions nothing stood out.  We didn’t want to do Corona beach.  We had tackled the Mayan ruins twice now.  Saw a bicycle excursion that looked fun… but let’s be honest here.  Have you seen the roads in Mexico?  Better yet, have you seen the bicycles?  I am not so sure I want to spend $89.99 a person to experience either one.

I researched online through cruise groups and facebook and finally decided.  Family:  “We are getting off the boat and going into town.  We’ll see what happens there.”  There were no grumblings or alternate suggestions so that was that. 

*Sometime in the wee hours of the morning before daylight my eyes flew open.  It was dark.  I was still on the boat, rocking gently back and forth.  I was comfy and snuggled in the bed.  Mark and Trenton were snoring.  Instinctively I knew something was very wrong.  There was a pain in the back of my throat.  I didn’t feel well at all.  My head was congested.  “Oh no!  This cannot be happening!”  Panic washed over me as I stumbled to the bathroom and flipped on the light.  I frantically searched through my bathroom organizer where everything including my kitchen sink from home is artfully stashed in small, sample size packets.  I know I have a packet of EmergenC… a small bottle of Zycam.  Where are they?  I am tossing packets of medication… Pepto, Benadryl, Advil, stuff I don’t even really know what it is… I just know what it isn’t…  It isn’t going to solve this war going on inside my head!  I am officially under-prepared… On the Triumph no less.  I felt defeated.  There was nothing I could do other than drink some water, say a prayer and crawl back in bed.

The next morning I didn’t feel wonderful… but I didn’t feel perfectly awful either.  I made sure to eat a good breakfast, took some vitamins, packed some tissues in our backpack and we set off to explore Mexico. 

Important Stuff About Progreso ---> At the end of the port area they have buses that run every 20 minutes (they say), but there were 4 lined up there to pick people up.  We didn’t get off the boat super early… 10ish or so.  Yea for no wait!  The buses are FREE and they take you directly into town and drop you off at the local market.  Free!  What an awesome deal!!  As we were getting ready to get off the bus they were offering tours (all inclusive with food and drink) to a beach resort on the other side of town $35 per person.  We said no thank you and off through the market we went. 

There were a hundred tables or so with various clothing, sunglasses, jewelry, wood carvings, chess sets, vanilla, etc… and here is how the conversation went.  “No, No Thank You, Not right now, Nope, Uh Uh, No, No Thank you, Already bought one, No, Nope, No Thank You” … All Day.  Mark avoided it like the plague!  Mom, Trenton and I ventured through and bought some trinkets.  One lady literally pulled me by my arm into the sunlight so I could get a better look at the 12 bracelets she quickly draped across my arm… totally ignoring that I said I was not interested.  She was sure the sunlight would change my mind :)  She was wrong.  Finally I said… “Hey, you should ask my Mom.  She’s the lady over there in the blue shirt” and then Trenton and I ducked down the other aisle :) He He He

We then walked downtown.  The shops down there were actually cheaper and not pushy.  We met some local police and Trenton loved the Domino’s pizza he found … and a pay phone!  I am not sure he believed me that they actually existed :)  Of course, he had to touch it and stick it up to his head which sent me digging for the antibacterial hand gel!  We also walked through their “market” with fresh vegetables.  Behind that is the meat market.  Raw meat… just hanging around in the open air… flies buzzing by.  Mark WAS hungry.  He quickly walked though, sat on the bench and declared he had lost his appetite :)

After walking around and taking in the sights of downtown Progreso we thought we would venture over to the beach and let Trenton play for a bit.  As we were heading back into the market we were stopped by someone offering tours.  He had a deal we couldn’t refuse.  $15 per person… $10 for Trenton.  They promised a tour of Progreso on an air conditioned bus, they would take us to their “best” beach and then bring us back.  We said sure. 

Let me tell you what this little excursion entailed…..

1.  A tour of downtown Progreso.  (Actually informative)  We saw the “Poor” side of town where people literally lived in cardboard boxes… it was a whole community all the way to the “rich” side of town with police checkpoints outside.
2. Then they took us out to the salt mines.  We got out and viewed how sea salt was obtained.  Got a little education and then the tour guide actually dug up some sea salt and produced little baggies so we could bring some home.  *A few strange birds on our bus actually tasted it and confirmed it was in fact salt.  I am cool with taking their word for it.

 3. Next we saw the pink flamingos and learned they are actually born white they get their pigmentation by eating bacteria that stains them pink.

4. A little further down the road to some Mayan ruins.  It wasn’t anywhere as big as the ones we went to last time, but they were different…. Allowed you to climb them.  It was a win-win.  *They do offer a rest room here so if you take this tour please note:  They do have a potty.  They do not have potty seats or toilet paper.  Ladies you will need to pack some tissues and strengthen up those thigh muscles for the hover maneuver.  Soap…  it’s pretty much a given that the sink didn’t have soap.  At that point I was just impressed as all get out that there was a sink!

5.  Back in the van and on down the road to the Technohotel.  It is a little resort.  You can purchase a wrist band here for $20 to get you unlimited food and alcoholic drinks if you want.  Otherwise everything is free.  Free beach (better than the one near the port).  Free swimming pool.  Trenton played in the ocean, sea shells were in abundance and finished his time off in the pool.  There were plenty of beach chairs to go around and lots of shaded tables, chairs and huts by the pool.  Music playing… It was a great atmosphere and lots of fun.  Mom got some food and drinks.  It was good.  We opted to wait and eat on the ship.  You could get a massage on the beach here for $25.

~> We tipped our van driver $2 per person and he took us straight back to the ship.  Otherwise, they will take you back into town and you catch the free bus back to the ship.  We were exhausted and the $2 was well worth it! 

*We were probably half way back to the ship when I sneezed for the first time that day.  It was that one simple little sneeze and then I felt like the plague washed over me.  I dug out the rest of the tissues… suddenly thankful Mark and Trenton were boys and did not consume them all trying to potty in Mexico.  My nose turned into a faucet.  My head was throbbing.  I felt weak.  It was awful.  By the time we reached the port I was sure I was going to die.  I had Mark and Mom check every shop for their little pharmacy to see if there was any sinus-cold medication, vitamin C type meds and the answer was No.  I’m doomed.  You can purchase antibiotics, meds for diabetes, estrogen replacement, arthritis, pain and impotence … but if you have a sinus infection or a cold you are pretty much screwed.

Somehow we made it back on the boat… I really do not recall and up to our room.  I missed dinner this night.  I could not even get out of bed.  The pressure and pain in my face was so bad I thought for sure the bone under my eye had fractured.  Mark headed to the medical deck to try to fix me.  Sometime around 2 am he asked me if I wanted him to try to cancel our scuba diving excursion for the next day.  No … I’ll be fine in the morning … Death will be the only thing that stops me. 

He didn’t look so sure….

Clearly I am still alive… So here’s my thought of Progreso.  Is it getting better?  Are we just getting older? We all had a fabulous day.  I don’t know that I will ever book an excursion there again unless some new found adventure opens up.  $15 a person you can NOT beat that deal!  Carnival could sell that excursion for $89 a person… easy.  Don’t you guys dare suggest that to them and ruin it for me next time!!   LOL

I am still sitting at home wondering how I walked out of Progreso a fan!

Progresso... Again and Again and Again

So last week the Carnival Triumph was dead in the water.  In all honesty, I wrote this blog last week and upon my final proof read .. (yes I do that, though I am sure it doesn’t look like it), I hit a button and POOF!  It was all gone.  SON OF A … 

Mark says, just rewrite it.  Clearly he doesn’t understand this amount of creative genius cannot be reproduced on command!  So I have calmed down and here we go… again.  TAKE 2

The Carnival Triumph was dead in the water.  We just got off this boat in December.  We boarded it knowing there were thruster problems.  I could write something heartfelt... Probably should write something heartfelt... But here's the deal.  This is not a serious cruise blog.  It's a fun blog.  I love to cruise.  I love adventure.  I would have taken it for a 4 day camping trip, an awesome blog opportunity and an extra week off from work.  If the additional days on that cruise included a full time Caribbean band, an open casino and free flowing alcohol... I'd float away forever.... Though cold food and pooping in a bag isn't exactly my style.  Mark on the other hand would have lost his ever loving mind!  That is a fact.  There’s a good chance I would have pitched him overboard myself somewhere around mid week.  So God bless the Carnival crew and everyone that was caught in that hell (or whatever they chose to make of it)  ...  and I think the news people suck.  That's all you're gonna get from me on here :)

Today's topic is Progresso, Mexico.  We went to Progresso once... On purpose.  The other 2 occasions were "Surprise!  You're going to Progresso"  ... Followed by expletives from the husband :) You should all be able to spot him upon embarkation now.

Trip #1 to Progresso we were still young and well... Broke.  The cheapest excursion we could find was the Corona Beach Break. We like Corona.  We like beaches.  Sounds perfect.  Until we boarded the open air double decker bus down that 4 mile pier driven by a driver DRINKING a Corona. …. Authentic I tell you. (I don't recommend the top deck of that bus if you value your life at all.) Corona Beach was all inclusive, which was all we cared about back then :) We found ourselves on a beach drinking Corona and tequila in the middle of the ultimate beach party.  This led me to volunteer Mark for the beach chicken fight.  (tequila.. That's what we are blaming that little outburst on).  You all know what a chicken fight is right?  4 people … 2 are on bottom… the other 2 sit on their shoulders and the 2 on top try to knock each other down. They asked for one more "big strong guy", I think my hubby's pretty fit and strong... Should have been a compliment right? Well, the kid he was paired with was about 6'3 and 240 something pounds.... Looked at my husband and said, "I'm not very strong.  I can't hold you on my shoulders."  Which meant Mark held him… all 10 or so rounds.  His legs were shot.  Done.  Finished.  It was hot and he was pissed.  But he/I won a free bottle of tequila!  I considered the day a success :)

Trip #2 to Progresso we were still young and this time, not so broke.  Apparently there was a little storm (some say, Hurricane) passing over Jamaica and we were rerouted to Progresso. Mark grumbled because it appears that chicken fight scarred him emotionally.  We could afford a “real” excursion this time so we opted for the Mayan Ruins.  We figured we could use a little culture after the last drunken experience. We had a choice between Chichen Itza or Dzibilchaltun.  Chichen Itza would be a 2 hour bus ride…  Let's get something straight... No vacation of mine will ever include riding on a bus for 2 hours in Mexico.  Dzibilchaltun it was. It was August.  It was HOT!  That place is big.  5 hours of un-ending Hotness!  I'm sure we got some culture out of it, but all we really remember was Good Gracious it was HOT!  We actually broke away from our guided tour and found a hut with some hammocks… and this is where we stayed.

Trip #3.  December 2012 during our "wheels fell off the train cruise".  It's our 3rd trip to Progresso.  Again... Not on purpose.  Due to the thruster issue with the boat we could not make it to Cozumel and back during our allotted cruise.  So Progresso it was.  It was our only port this cruise.  What in the world are we gonna do this time?  We felt we had pretty much “been there and done that”.  Corona Beach is definitely out with the kid!  (said Mark, but I think he was really still having flashbacks… a little PTSD if you will.  He really hasn’t been the same since.)  There was this little rumor going around that according to the Mayans the world was coming to an end... Ehhh, let's go visit them again.  Trenton would like that.  This time around, the Dzibilchaltun excursion included a trip to Progresso's "best beach". (which is funny all in itself if you have ever visited Progresso) So on the second trip we actually enjoyed the ruins because it was 75 degrees and not 775 degrees! We climbed, we toured, we played.  Trenton really enjoyed them and the natural swimming hole was really cool. The beach was well... Good ‘ole Corona Beach!  Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha (Good times, baby, Good times).  It seems Corona beach has “aged” with us and calmed down a bit.   



Oh... Almost forgot the funny part!  So, Mark hit the casino a little hard the night before our excursion and took full advantage of the "Drinks on us" card he won. So, after an hour of so sleep I drug him out of bed and gave him a Results and Recovery drink from Beachbody followed by a chaser of Shakeology.  20 minutes later he was good as new.  They really should market this stuff not just for health and weightloss, but for hangovers as well! ... (I’ll take those royalty checks now)  And this is the picture of us leaving the boat.  Yep, that's right.  Mess up my picture acting like a retard and I will spend the $12 to buy it and post it on the Internet for the world to see!  (Thanks for the memories Babe!)



Ok, back to the beach... We were hungry.  They offered a buffet for $18 a person.  In Mexico?  I'm not paying $18 a person for a buffet in Mexico!  So Mark finds this shack down the beach and he says... They've got some fish.  Looks good.  Ok, cool.  Mom and I go and attempt to order some food.  Them speaking only Spanish... Us speaking only English…. Texan English at that!  (Mark left that part out… I think he was going for a little revenge)  We finally negotiated (insert Charades) a big fish for the whole family and mom some ceviche for $16.  I was feeling good and safe since they were frying my fish in a large vat of oil ... And then I watched them make the ceviche and wash everything in a bucket of water... True story...  I looked at mom and said "Eat that and you're gonna die".  So here's a picture of our fish and as gross as it looks, that business was Good!!  Best $8 I have ever spent and it fed my whole family.  (Side note… Mom ate the ceviche, swore it was awesome and lived to tell about it.  Woman must have an iron stomach if you ask me!) 

So now we can say… not only have we successfully survived Progresso 3 times… we survived the Carnival Triumph as well.  If you have any questions about Progress at all, ask away!